Barney at the zoo

Tim took the day off and said we could put Barney in school and we could do whatever i chose. I couldn't bring myself to leave the baby in school so i decided we'd all go to the zoo. It was a good day. Barney gawked at the different animals, pointed, screamed "tiger" "zoo" "bird" "lizard" "turtle" and his final word was "nap" and fell asleep in his pram.

I really wish everyday could be filled with the same excitment and joy. Broke my heart to send him back to school today. The principal told me not to let him bring any more toys to school as he gets more insecure. I thought being able to share his toys would make him stronger. More and more i feel i need to be there to be around to teach him. I brought him home after sending tim to work and spent time just reading and watching "bob the builder", having breakfast, getting dressed slowly and enjoying the time getting ready. We got to school and he still cried. sigh.

Amazing this little boy would not let his daddy roll him forward if mummy wasn't beside him at the zoo. He'd want to hold my hand as we walked to the next animal exhibit. Maybe 4 hours is too long..sigh

Oil for the lamp

Songs always set me thinking. The choir is rehearsing the "give me oil in my lamp" and so i've decided anything musical gets me to light up. That makes it quite straight forward as i have got to look for courses, books, CDs, Dvds, people who love the subject to energise, invigorate, inspire and get me moving along. The trouble is me getting organised and focussed. Yes i need to set goals, a list of people to meet up with...glad barney's asleep so i have this time to set things up. Glad i've signed up for some abrsm professional training at the end of the month, next to look for books; so glad i get to learn from rose how to conduct. Then there are still goals to set for barney, how to get him to enjoy learning..(so glad he's such a joy,) at least i've bought "Bob the builder" Dvd and book to get him started on simple conversations.

Putting Barney in school

How do we know if Barney is ready to go to school? Yes it's only playgroup and he's only there for 4 hours in the morning. I thought perhaps i haven't talked to him enough about the topic so after sending his daddy to work today, i sat him down and told him why i thought it was best for him to be in school.
1) he'd be talking and playing with other children
2) he'd be learning how to behave in a classroom or kitchen with social pressure
3) he could share his toys (today he brought his digger and dog)
4) he wouldn't be just watching tv at home

Though he cried as the principal took him, he stopped quite quickly as he's brought to the kitchen to eat or drink something. He's 19 months old. That's the thing, part of me wants him to stay a baby, and part of me wants him to grow up.

It didn't make it easier when i read a short story about a governess who left her child in the care of another and looked after an aristocratic child. The story itself did not end so well because the aristocrat child did not remember her at the end and her own child died in a watery grave so she had to reconcile her conscience by digging him a grave and burry him in her heart. At the end of the day, how much love did you give to your child and how much love did he receive. Then only do we count how much love we share with others right?

I just hope Barney knows he's loved and adjusts to this new routine.
I just wish my tummy didn't have to churn and do the sommersaut whenever he cries.
I will pick him up later and take him to visit his grandpa and play with his cousin in the park.